As an American citizen who finds herself with a greater knowledge of that of the British people than her own, I wish to speak up in response to your claims against our nation. I recently read your letter to President Obama in regards to your demand to exchange Paris Hilton, who has recently invaded London in search of a British buddy, for Victoria Beckham, a current Los Angeles residnet.
There should be apologies for allowing Paris to enter Britain without proper adult supervision, and we take full responsibility for her actions. But there are other issues that I have with your proposal. Frankly, I think this exchange is vastly unequal. (So unequal that it could be compared to that of exchanging a Bratz doll for a Lladro sculpture.) This exchange, I agree, should happen promptly and with due haste, but may I suggest an alternative candidate for that of Victoria Beckham.
America has enough women with oversized breasts and an overly compulsive habit of fake-baking. You can have her… and Peter Andre too. We beg you.
Have your people call my people. (And by my people, I mean me.)