30 April 2008

Hump Day Celebration

cristiano's back

Holy Back-Muscles Batman!

Manchester United Fans = Most Punchable

Man United Fans

According to an “ultra scientific” poll constructed by CaughtOffside.com, Manchester United fans have been voted “most punchable” in the Premier League by nearly 30,000 readers. (Chelsea came in a close second.)

Link: Official: Manchester United Fans' Faces Voted 'Most Punchable'

Nereida Gallardo: New Do Can’t Disguise Tight Top and Tacky Earrings

R7 earrings

Miss. Gallardo, 24, tried to class herself up a notch with a new bob haircut (perhaps a homage to Victoria Beckham), but her clothing selection and tacky, star struck-teenager earrings sent her plummeting back down into the depths of tastelessness. This girl is beyond help.

R7 earrings 3 R7 earrings 2

Link: Ronaldo's Girlfriend Wears Her Heart on Her Ear

Ronaldinho has tried this look before:
ronaldinho earring

28 April 2008

Footballers Are Idiots

Manchester United Edition

CASE #1: Rio Ferdinand

rio ferdinand

With Fabio Capello tipping him to be captain before the match against Chelsea, Rio Ferdinand acted more like a rambunctious school child than the future captain of England. I can assume Capello, who was in attendance at Stamford Bridge, was also not impressed with Ferdinand’s obnoxious behavior. During the game, Ferdinand got in a scrap with John Mikel Obi and had to be separated from the player by John Terry, who acted far more like a successful captain than his central defender counterpart. In reaction to losing the match and drawing even on points with Chelsea, Rio attempted to kick a brick wall, but ended up “brushing” his foot against a female steward instead. I think this can best be described in the words of Rob Parker at Who Ate All The Pies: “You know when you're kicking a wall and you accidentally kick a female steward? No, me neither.”

So not only is he hot-headed, but he literally can’t hit the broad side of a barn either. Sounds like Rio’s England captain campaign is going as well as Theo Walcott’s.

Note: Rio apologized to the stewardess before getting on the team coach and asked for her name and address so he could send her flowers. (Sorry mate, flowers aren’t going to get rid of the hematoma on that poor girl’s shin, ya t**t.)

Link: Behind the Fracas

CASE #2: Manchester United Players Accused of Bullying Fourth Official

owen hargreaves

Owen Hargreaves is one of eight players to be under FA disciplinary charges after some verbal abuse broke out in the tunnel after the Chelsea game; all of it being directed towards the fourth official, Mike Riley. I think United has been a bad influence on Hargreaves. He’s usually such a quiet fellow. Maybe rather than reaming out the official you should direct your attention towards Michael Carrick who just cost you the game. Um…hello!?

Link: Fighting Talks

CASE#3: Fergie Claims Penalty was Unwarranted


Michael Carrick had a blatant handball, quitcher bitchin’.

Link: Ferguson Diatribes

CASE #4: Patrice Evra

patrice evra

Who picks a fight with groundsmen? I mean, come on now. Evra was on the Stamford Bridge pitch thirty minutes after the final whistle doing a cool down with Paul Scholes, Carlos Tevez, John O'Shea, Gerard Pique, Park Ji-Sung and Gary Neville, when groundsmen asked them to leave so they could do their post-match repairs. When the players refused to leave, the altercation broke out between Evra and Chelsea groundsmen Sam Bethell. Claims have been made by Tevez and Evra that the latter was racially assaulted and that his actions were in reaction to the comments that were made. CCTV footage will be looked at by both clubs and the FA to determine what happened exactly and if there should be a punishment for any players or employees involved.

Link: Racism Storm Hits the Bridge

EXTRA LINK: THANKS Fergie & Co for Reminding Us Why We All Hate United With Such Passion

23 April 2008

Ronaldo Has Something Else to Be Embarrassed About

Barcelona 0 Manchester United 0

ronaldo misses penalty 2

First, his new girl shows up in the tabloids with no clothes on, and now Cristiano Ronaldo has gone and missed a penalty.

ronaldo misses penalty

McClaren Going to Euro 2008...

steve mcclaren graham taylor 2
…as a pundit for BBC Five Live. Graham Taylor, the last England coach before McClaren to not qualify for a major tournament, will also be joining him. What a top-notch team Five Live has put together for our listening enjoyment. Were Statler and Waldorf already booked? Cracking job BBC, cracking job.

statler and waldorf

And Macca’s first assignment is the Croatia – Austria game. Just pouring more salt in the wound. I wonder what he’ll have to say? … "This one time, Paul Robinson..."

Sod it. I'm watching Sky.

Link: Ex-England Manager McClaren is Heading for Euro 2008

Coleen Mcloughlin’s Hen Party

CM on Holiday 4

And my lord she’s having a lovely one. She’s spending a week in Miami with five of her closest friends, where they will drink heavily and dress fantabulously (I just made the word up). Note the gold-chained bikini. FEROSH!

CM on Holiday 2 CM on Holiday 3CM on Holiday

But seriously, this girl has more holidays than a bank calendar.

Link:Day One
Link:Day Two

Ferosh Item Update

Sarah Harding fronted a promotion for Wii Fit on the South Bank, accompanied by marathon-running mum Nell McAndrew, TV presenter Gabby and rugby husband Kenny Logan and fitness guru Rosemary Conley. Better she sticks to picking up the Wii Remote than a wee bit more to drink.


Link: Sarah Harding Promotes Wii Fit

22 April 2008

Thanks Mr. Arne Riise!

Liverpool 1 Chelsea 1

riise scores

Nereida Gallardo: Lacking Clothes and Lacking Class

Nereida Gallardo topless

I may have spoken prematurely when comparing Cristiano Ronaldo’s new fling to that of the more permanent member of WAG society, Elen Rives. And now that nude photos taken on a beach of the Majorcan model-wannabe have been released by The Sun, Miss. Gallardo is looking more like a porn star than a suitable footballer’s arm candy. Well done Cristiano, you've hooked yourself another class-act.

Link: Ronaldo Girl's Great Up Front

Cheryl Cole Leaves Bra and Dignity at Home

cheryl cole braless

Cheryl Cole has stepped out this weekend without a bra and STILL without her wedding band. Soon to be going solo both socially and in her singing career, Mrs. Cole deemed it unnecessary to wear a bra when heading to the petrol station, forgetting that she’s a WAG and paparazzi magnet. It must have been a chilly day in London, that’s all I’ve got to say.

Pull it together Cheryl!

cheryl cole braless 2 Photobucket

Link: Cheryl Cole Steps Out Looking Painfully Thin

21 April 2008

Separated at Birth...

Wayne Rooney and Seamus Finnegan
wayne rooneydevon murphy

(Seamus Finnegan is played by Devon Murphy in the Harry Potter films.)

17 April 2008

Ferosh Item: Wii Fit


Soon to be banned by all football clubs and managers, the Wii Fit is designed to exercise the entire body. Touting diverse game play, from things like yoga and weight training to hula-hooping and soccer, the Wii Fit Balancing Board provides individuals with sensors that measure their weight, center of balance, and body mass index. (All things that I would prefer only me to know and not have a computer announce aloud. Spectacular. I’ll just return to my bowl of ice cream now. Thanks.)

Price tag: £74.18
UK Release Date: 25 April 2008

Wii Fit SoccerWii Fit Quad Screen

Link: This Month’s Hot 10 Electronics and Gadgets
Link: Wii Fit Sells Out in UK
Link: Wii Fit on Amazon

Footballers are Idiots

The Chelsea Edition

CASE #1: Ashley Cole: Idiot Casanova

ash sans ringcheryl cole at nobu 2

More from the UK saga soaked in idiotic footballer behavior. Ashley Cole, after openly admitting to the missus that he committed adultery is now suing the tabloids for defamation. Wait a minute… if he admitted to doing something idiotic, then how can he in turn sue someone for simply pointing out the obvious. Mr. Cole is asking for £200,000 from The Sun for publishing the story outing his unsavory extramarital behavior. I swear to god, if he gets any money out of this shenanigan we’re calling a litigation battle, I’m completely giving up on humanity.

Link: Ashley Cole Somehow Getting Even Easier to Dislike

CASE #2: Shevchenko’s Masculinity in Question

shevchenko golfingMen's Thong

Andriy Shevchenko has been spotted with a new accessory hanging outside his pants. And in this case, it’s not what you would normally expect from a footballer. (As in the case above.) Rather, while on the links, Mr. Shevchenko’s thong was peeking out of the top of his pants during a recent golf game. We all know his love for Giorgio Armani undies, but this has gone too far.

shevchenko golfing 2

Link: Chafe-chenko Wears a Thong

Case #3: Tal Ben Haim: Benchwarmer Etiquette Connoisseur

tal ben haim

After being frustrated with not having consistent first team appearances, Ben Haim voiced his opinion on signing with Chelsea over the summer and what he’s been having to deal with since Mourinho left.

"Jose Mourinho is the reason I came to Chelsea and if I knew Avram Grant was going to be the coach then I would have signed for another club.”

Well played, Tal. Enjoy warming the bench and playing for the reserves for the rest of the season before being sold off over the summer. How do you say, out on your ass, in Israeli?

Link: Mourinho Exit Frustrates Ben Haim
Link: Tal Fined £80,000

16 April 2008

Elen Rives v. Nereida Gallardo

elen smokingnereida gallardo

The girls over at Kickette and I have decided that there are some eerie similarities between these WAGs. Not only are they both Spanish, but they also share the over plucked eyebrow look, the not-so-classy smoking habit, and the need to hold onto their footballer boyfriends for dear life. The resemblances between the two are uncanny.

While both have snagged offensive midfielders in good form, these ladies have taken on the task of settling their wild footballers down. Elen moved Frank out to Surrey to keep him away from the party scene in London, and even though Cristiano already lives in the Manchester suburbs, his call girl habit has got to be toned down if he wants to commit to more than just solicitation charges.

Seeing that Elen was spotted with a lip bruise a couple weeks ago and then this weekend trotting around London in her trackies with her face covered up to her nose, I suspect there’s been some botox usage. May I possibly suggest that it’s in defiant reaction to the introduction of the younger, unimproved version of herself who is now roaming the streets of Manchester. Oh I think so.

frank and elen around christmas nereida gallardo and cristiano ronaldo

11 April 2008

Ferosh Items of the Week

Coleen Mcloughlin’s Blue and Yellow Louboutin’s
coleen's christian louboutin's

Utterly gorgeous. Notice, no toe cleavage.

The 2008 BMW X6

I’m sure this is on every footballers wanted list. No matter if they are looking into buying a new 4x4 or if they are looking to upgrade that dingy BMW X5 from last year, these will be seen with footballers at the helm. I give it maybe a month before they’re spotted about town.

Price Range: £41,965 - £44,145 (Mere pocket change, right?)

BMW X6 2BMW X6 4
BMW X6 6BMW X6 5

Link: BMW: Experience the X6

Link: Forbes: Hottest SUVs of 2008

New WAG Introduction: Amy Macdonald

amy macdonald steve lovell
Amy Macdonald, the Scottish singer, has been reportedly dating Steve Lovell, an English striker who plays for Aberdeen. The irony of it all is that Macdonald has an aptly titled song, “Footballer’s Wife,” on her new album that goes about bashing the obsession of women to hook a footballer to gain celebrity:

But still the footballer's wife tells her troubles and strife
I just don't care in the end
Who is she to pretend
That she's one of them?
I don't think so
And the girl from that show
Yes the one we all know
She thinks she's some kinda star
Yes you know who you are
I don't think so, I don't think so

But she defends her songwriting by making a Cheryl Cole-esque excuse about having her career and Lovell having his. Yadda yadda yadda…

"It is a song about obsession with celebrity and people being famous for no reason and being talentless and getting there simply for who they are with," Amy told the Daily Record. "It's totally not the case with me and has nothing to do with Steve's occupation. I like to think I got where I am because of the amount of hard work I've put in."

"I don't feel bad for writing that song because I believe everything in it," she added. "Just because I might be going out with someone who plays football doesn't mean I've turned into a celebrity-crazed famehungry woman. I'm definitely not a WAG."

Unfortunately love, you have to live with the title, just like the rest of them.

steve and amy

Link: Pop Star Amy MacDonald Falls For SPL Star

10 April 2008

Fashion Faux Pas: Toe Cleavage

toe cleavage

There is nothing I find more repulsive than feet. But then again, that may just be my personal opinion. WAGs, on the other hand, feel as if theirs need to be on display, more specifically, their toes whilst protruding from tightly worn heels. I realize that gravity does not always cooperate with us and that while walking our feet get scrunched into the base of our shoes. But there is a name for this when it happens and gravity has nothing to do with it: TOE CLEAVAGE. This isn’t like the more acceptable breast cleavage, where in more cases than not, it is encouraged. Toe cleavage is unacceptable in my opinion. And it makes the foot look fat and the shoes look dreadful. Yes, it can even render a beautiful pair of Christian Louboutin’s unsightly.

This behavior has to be stopped.

But we shall listen to a master and take his opinion and jot it to down in our fashion bibles to be referenced when purchasing a shoe that shoes more cleavage than the bikini issue of Sports Illustrated.

“The secret of toe cleavage, a very important part of the sexuality of the shoe... You must only show the first two cracks.” ~ Manolo Blahnik

to cleavage 4toe cleavage 5toe cleavage 2toe cleavage 3

NOTE: All above pictorial evidence are from actual WAG appearences.