Footballers are Idiots: Balotelli Darts Punishment

The Manchester City man was caught throwing darts at a youth player in a training ground incident. Like, actual needle point darts. That's just f**ked up. So far no club sanction has been given (also pretty f**ked up).


Not as f**ked up as his hairdo though...

picture via Claudio Villa/Getty Images Europe/zimbio

Footballers are Idiots: Mario Balotelli Crashes Audi

He must have had this £120,000 customized Audi R8 for less than a week. Perhaps he forgot to drive on the left side of the road...

Remind you of anyone?



pictures via News of the World

Footballers Are Idiots: McDonalds Hits Pub After Halftime Sub

The Clarets player was substituted at halftime, but rather than sitting on the bench with the rest of the squad, Kevin McDonald decided to head to a nearby pub and watch the rest of the match with a pint. Class.

He was eventually fined by Burnley, a whole weeks wages (£5,000). I don't know what's more pathetic; his behavior or his wages?

Link: Clarets Fine McDonald for Walk-out

picture via google images

Ashley Cole = The Epitome of Idiotic Footballers

"No love, I didn't send naked pictures of myself to a tasteless Page 3 Girl. You see, I had this prepaid phone and took those pictures then got rid of it. I must have left the pictures on there and somebody else sent them to the Page 3 slapper."

Right, because that doesn't raise any questions, whatsoever. Like:

1. Why the hell would he have a prepaid phone?
2. Why would he take naked pictures of himself if he wasn't going to do something with them?
3. What kind of pillock GIVES away a prepaid phone with naked pictures of himself on it?
4. How would this individual that you gave it to have a Page 3 girl's number? Bloody, unlikely.

Ashley Cole, you are married to, like, the MOST GORGEOUS woman EVER. What the fuck is wrong with you?

In case you were wondering, in this picture, Cheryl is wishing she could take him back to the pound.


pictures via The Sun and dailymail

Footballers are Idiots: Drugs, Violence, and Speed

Adrian Mutu failed another drug test. The level of his stupidity never ceases to astound me.


Rio Ferdinand received a four match ban for violent conduct. Seeing that he returned from injury like 5 seconds ago, I'm sure United fans are thrilled.

And lastly, Ashley Cole is going to be suspended from driving for four months after getting stopped for going over 100 mph in a 50mph speed zone in his Lamborghini Gallardo. He blamed his behavior on the fact that he was attempting to escape the paparazzi. Well, sucks for you mate. Looks like you're going to be carpooling with one of your teammates who also lives in Oxshott. (I suggest JT, so at least you know he's not at your place after training...)


pictures via google images

Footballers Are Idiots: When Flatulence Gets You a Yellow Card

It's procedural for an official to check a substitution's boots before the player can take to the pitch. But when referee, Bunny Reid (With that name, who would take this guy seriously anyway?), went to check the boots of Levi Foster, there was a breaking of wind from the substitute. After threatening to throw the player out, Reid was convinced that a less intense warning was a more suitable punishment.

The game ended 5-0 and Foster was named Man of the Match.

After all was done and dusted, Foster admitted: "I had a curry the night before."

Classy.

picture via The Mirror

Footballers Are Idiots: Sol Campbell

He's at a cafe and not at Notts County. Need I really say more?


picture via dailymail

Footballers Are Idiots: Defoe Suing Police

This is obviously not a new revelation for Jermain Defoe. He's apparently quite fond of doing very stupid things. Like suing police. He's all in a fuss because he got pulled over in his Ferrari because there had been car burglaries in the area. Once the police had everything suited out between car and driver, Defoe was free to go on his way. Alas he has to make an issue out of nothing. (Because I'm sure the other times he got pulled over he wasn't speeding or anything, honest officer.)

picture via dailymail

Footballers are Idiots: David Bentley Hits Lamp-post with Porsche

After leaving a Jet gig at 3AM, David Bentley hit a lamp-post with his £90,000 Porsche 911 in Northaw. The Tottenham flop was eventually charged with drink-driving. He also had to suffer the wrath of Harry Redknapp, who charged him with a fine. Bentley has been bailed to appear at St Albans' Magistrates Court on Aug 28.




pictures via The Sun

Footballers Are Idiots: EPL Footballer Caught on Camera Buying Drugs

West Brom player and Czech Republic international, Roman Bednar was pictured buying a £420 bag of cocaine and cannabis. His statement to the media?

"It wasn't for me."

Yeah. That's what they all say, you pillock.

pictures via google images

Footballers Are Idiots: Ledley King Arrested for Assault

I particularly enjoy the rolling of the sleeves in preparation to brawl, while at the same time the losing of the pants. Hilarity I say.

But lets discuss fighting bouncers. They are generally hired as big, brawny, and intimidating types. Of course if you're ego is larger than yourself, you might get confused. (Although I'm sure a few lagers help to raise the ego even more.) Anywho, end result when brawling with bouncers = you in a headlock and eventually arrested. The moral of this little tale is don't get in fights with bouncers. They are there to kick YOUR ass. That's what they are getting paid for, so don't mess with them, kapeesh.

The word on the street is that Ledley was bawling hysterically while in a cell over night and also peed himself. (Classy.) I think I'd wear a beannie and glasses for a few days too. How embarrassing.


pictures via The Sun

Footballers Are Idiots, Big Drunk Idiots

After a CFC Charity event at the Emporio Armani store in London, Ashley Cole, John Terry, and Michael Mancienne went over to The Collection Club to have a pint.

But when leaving the club, Ashley decided to have some harsh words with the police who weren't interfering with the paparazzi.

In his statement on the club website, Cole professed:

"I felt I was being harassed by paparazzi and while complaining to the Police about this at the scene they did warn me to calm down, a warning that I regrettably did not heed. I fully appreciate that whatever frustrations I may have had with others that it was completely inappropriate to vent those in conversations with the Police."

Then he proceeds to say how he didn't consume that much alcohol. Right right mate.

pictures via dailymail

Link: Footballer Ashley Cole Arrested
Link: Statement from Ashley Cole

Footballers Are Idiots: Superstitions and Missing Ferraris

Odd thing happened yesterday after halftime in the game between Arsenal and AS Roma. It seems that the ref started the second half with only nine Arsenal players on the pitch. (So the referee is a bit of an idiot as well. I mean, how difficult is it to count to 11.) Anywho, it appears that Kolo Toure is a superstitious fellow and has to leave the dressing room last, and he was waiting on William Gallas to finish diligently waxing his dome before the two could head towards the tunnel. By the time to two made it to the pitch, the game had already begun. When Toure attempted to enter the game without the acknowledgement of the official, he was handed a yellow card. Gallas, aware of the rule, waited for the ref to flag him on.



Toure's excuse for the embarrassing booking:

“To be honest I didn’t know I was not allowed to come on the pitch without the permission of the referee.”

How long have you been playing football exactly?

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Gary O'Neil had his £150,000 Ferrari F430 Spider F1 stolen and left abandoned 15 minutes away from where it was taken at a petrol station on Ripon Road, Harrogate, North Yorkshire. How it got stolen from a petrol station may you ask? Well, you see, O'Neil left the keys in the ignition while he paid. Bloody brilliant.



pictures via dailymail, The Telegraph, and google images

Footballers Are Idiots: Tevez Has Bentley Seized

After being pulled over under suspicion of having windows that were tinted too darkly, Carlos Tevez must have been feeling a bit panicked. You see, he doesn’t’ ACTUALLY have a full driver’s license in the UK. The maximum penalty for driving without a valid licence is a £1,000 fine and six points. Yeah, dummy. Needless to say, his £140,000 white Bentley was impounded.



pictures via google images

Footballers Are Idiots: Mexes Picks Fight with Boxer

Apparently, Philippe Mexes, a master of the footie, has failed to display the same propensity with his fists. Of course, he’s the idiot who started a verbal disagreement with a professional boxer, unbeknownst to him, which escalated to the wee footballer getting the living piss beaten out of him. He was later hospitalized and discharged. Nicely done mate.

I suggest you chose your fight more wisely next time. Or perhaps stay out of them in general. Just a thought.

Link: Footballers Should Never Fight Boxers

Footballers Are Idiots: Mikel Charged With Drink-Driving

The 21-year-old Nigerian was pulled over near Chelsea’s training ground in Cobham on Saturday morning at 5:30 AM after a policeman noticed him driving erratically in his Range Rover. Less than 12 hours later, Chelsea were taking to the pitch to play Ipswich in the FA Cup fourth round. Mikel was officially charged and will be due in court on April 3rd to face trial.

A Chelsea spokesman stated, "We are aware [Mikel] was arrested and charged. We want to establish the facts before we comment.”

It’s been rumored that Mikel knew he would not be involved in the match against Ipswich, but that is still no excuse for his behavior.

Link: Chelsea Star John Obi Mikel Charged with Drink-Driving

Footballers Are Idiots: When Pooch Comes to Fall

Liam Lawrence, of Stoke City, had to undergo an x-ray today due to an accident involving tripping over his own dog. An initial scan showed no break, but an x-ray was completed to make sure there was no bone damage. Depending on the result, Lawrence may or may not be available to play Portsmouth this weekend.

Personal Note: I apologize for the above abuse of pun use.

Link: Lawrence in the Doghouse

Footballers Are Idiots: Fabián Espíndola Is No Gymnast

After scoring on the sixth minute for Real Salt Lake against the LA Galaxy on Saturday, Fabián Espíndola thought it would be fitting to do a cliché back flip celebration. Alas, in landing he broke his leg, and his goal was disallowed anyway. The irony is almost too much to bear. But it gets even better…

When Stupid Met Stupider:

After scoring the equalizer for the Galaxy in the eventual 2-2 draw, Bryan Jordan conducted a more successful version of the back flip without breaking any limbs. Rather than looking like the more gymnastic of the two, he just appeared to be the greater of two stupids.

Link: The Spoiler's Perspective

Footballers Are Idiots: Robinho… FAIL!

I’m going to rant here for a bit and I apologize ahead of time if I get foul mouthed and slightly pretentious.

What the f**k is Robinho thinking? I want to know his decision making process in choosing Manchester City over Chelsea. By chosing the larger paycheck over the more prestigious and successful club, he made it blatantly obvious that he would rather have the cash to spend than play in the Champions League, which is a REALLY unintelligent decision. Who would chose to play with Richard Dunne, Stephen Ireland, and Tal Ben Haim over Frank Lampard, John Terry, Didier Drogba, and the rest of the world renowned lineup at Chelsea? An idiot, that’s who.

Manchester City is also on my shit list. They are a conniving, underrated club. The new owners are thinking big, I see that, but to pounce on a player that Chelsea have been wooing for over a year is just wrong. It’s lacking tact. It looks like there’s a new rich club in the Premier League, and they’re acting like a bunch of over privileged assholes.

I feel so much better now that that’s all off my chest.

Picture in honor of FAIL Blog

Footballers Are Idiots... Because They Can't Park Legally

I don't understand how footballers (and their WAGs) can't find a legal parking space? I mean everyone else does, right? It boggles the mind.

Wayne Rooney (again) was ticketed outside Wings resturaunt, where he was dining with his wifey, Coleen. Manchester must be low on spaces or something.




pictures via dailymail and Kickette