Before Mathieu Flamini heads off to a new Italian villa in the sun, his teammates at Arsenal arranged a lovely going away “party” at the trendy Raffles nightclub on Kings Road. Judging by the pictorial evidence some of these footballers forgot to look in the mirror before leaving their mansions. Get a stylist, seriously.
CASE #1: There Are No More Parking Spaces Left in the Manchester
Wayne Rooney and Rio Ferdinand have both been caught parking illegally in Manchester over the past week. But Rooney came out on the luckier end of things when he spotted the warden lurking around his new £170,000 Bentley Turbo which was parked in a loading bay while he and Coleen did a bit of shopping. Being the person that Rooney is, he decided to have a bit of a moan over the possible £30 ticket. Unlike on the pitch, Rooney’s moaning actually acted to dissuade the warden from writing the ticket. Thank goodness because with his £60,000 a week salary how could he afford such a penalty! BOLLOCKS!
CASE #2: Ashley Cole Goes Clubbing Sans Wedding Band
Ashley Cole decided to have a boys night out with Chelsea teammates Shaun Wright-Phillips and John Obi Mikel while his wife Cheryl performed in Glasgow with Girls Aloud Wednesday night. Sans wedding ring of course. The boys enjoyed dancing and drinking at Chinawhite, of all places. I’m sure Cheryl must be thrilled.
I’m at my part time job at a movie rental store, and this guy brings his movies up to check out. He has a British accent. So of course, my overly curious personality can’t resist asking him where’s he’s from. His response is Manchester. (Bloody hell…) I tell him how I love of football and wonder where his allegiances lie, crossing my fingers for City or possibly a lower league side. Much to my dismay, but not surprisingly, his response is Manchester United. He asks if I know them. (Huh? If I have already professed my love for football, obviously I know Manchester United, only the most popular club in the world, with the most punchable fans.) My response can only be, “Unfortunately. I’m a Chelsea supporter.” Then he says something that’s so astonishingly witty and British, I almost piss myself.
“Yeah, I think they make stationary that says that.”... Seriously? Do they? Where can I buy some?
Haw very Manc of him. Don’t get me wrong, I had my doubts when Mourinho left and “The Special One” was replaced by The Toad,” but at this very moment, I have never been more impressed and proud of my team. (Yes, MY team.) Maybe it’s because it’s always more fun to cheer for the underdogs, because when they win it feels that much more miraculous. I actually feel bad for Manchester United fans. There can be no miracles, only disappointments. (And having to stare at the mugs of Rooney and Tevez on the telly week in and week out can’t help either.)
After spending time with his friends and family while grieving over his mother’s passing, Frank Lampard has returned and seems to be taking his emotional pains and converting them into pure footballing aspiration. Putting Chelsea into the Champions League Final and taking the Premier League title down to the final day of the season, Lampard and Co. have shown strength, character, and perseverance.
Not everyone will agree. There are still those cynics out there who can’t see the heroics in Frank scoring a penalty just days after his mother passed away of pneumonia. They deem this part of the job, part of being a professional. These detached individuals obviously don’t know the person Frank Lampard is, or what he represents to many fans of the game. And they also, obviously, don’t have a soul.
When he stepped up to that penalty spot and scored against Liverpool, it brought tears to my eyes. He was taking on a personal responsibility that most don’t enjoy on a normal day, but at this stage, and with so much personal turmoil, Frank was a courageous and statuesque figure on the penalty spot. (All while sending Reina the other way.) And when someone had asked him after the match, "What on earth were you thinking," Frank replied nonchalantly, "What do you mean? ... I always take the pens."
That’s what Frank represents to me; a standard, a staple, an individual beyond that of comprehensible classification.
He's no Carlo Cudicini, but he's infinitely better than his Bayern Munich counterpart, Oliver Kahn.
Bio in Brief Age: 23 (soon to be 24 on the 14th) Nationality: German Height: 188 cm. (6 ft. 2 inches) Weight: 86 kg (189 lbs.) Shoe Size: 46 (wonder what that means?) Honours: 3 Bundesliga titles ('05, '06, 08') and 3 German Cups ('05, '06, 08') Marital Status: Sorry ladies, he currently has a girlfriend named Melanie
After their disappointment over the weekend, Manchester United came out steamrolling. Paul Scholes ended his goal drought with a superb volley on fourteen minutes. The Red Devils’ back four did well to hold off the advances of Messi, Eto and Henry to secure a clean sheet and a spot in the finals.
Panned out to be a boring draw between these two English sides, it was nothing short of a miracle to see the excitement and suspense created between the two matches. With John Arne Riise’s last minute own goal in the first leg, the second leg could have been held to a 0-0 draw for Chelsea to still advance, but there’s nothing thrilling in that kind of football. Chelsea decided to come out guns blazing, and dominated the entire first half with Didier Drogba scoring on the 33’. But after halftime, Liverpool seemed like an entirely different squad, scoring on 64’ to even the tie, and then holding Chelsea’s goalscorers to go into extra time. And when Michael Ballack was brought down in the penalty box on 98’, Frank Lampard stepped up to send Reina the opposite way. Lampard pointed to the sky and kissed his black armband in dedication to his mother, then kissed his hand and pointed at his father in the stands. Just before the extra time break, Drogba scored a second to seal Chelsea a solid lead on 105'. But not without the efforts of Babel, who on 117’ slotted a screamer from about 35 yards past Petr Cech to give Liverpool a bit of hope in the dieing minutes. And when the final whistle blew, Chelsea had secured themselves a spot in the final in Moscow... finally.
According to an “ultra scientific” poll constructed by CaughtOffside.com, Manchester United fans have been voted “most punchable” in the Premier League by nearly 30,000 readers. (Chelsea came in a close second.)
Miss. Gallardo, 24, tried to class herself up a notch with a new bob haircut (perhaps a homage to Victoria Beckham), but her clothing selection and tacky, star struck-teenager earrings sent her plummeting back down into the depths of tastelessness. This girl is beyond help.
With Fabio Capello tipping him to be captain before the match against Chelsea, Rio Ferdinand acted more like a rambunctious school child than the future captain of England. I can assume Capello, who was in attendance at Stamford Bridge, was also not impressed with Ferdinand’s obnoxious behavior. During the game, Ferdinand got in a scrap with John Mikel Obi and had to be separated from the player by John Terry, who acted far more like a successful captain than his central defender counterpart. In reaction to losing the match and drawing even on points with Chelsea, Rio attempted to kick a brick wall, but ended up “brushing” his foot against a female steward instead. I think this can best be described in the words of Rob Parker at Who Ate All The Pies: “You know when you're kicking a wall and you accidentally kick a female steward? No, me neither.”
So not only is he hot-headed, but he literally can’t hit the broad side of a barn either. Sounds like Rio’s England captain campaign is going as well as Theo Walcott’s.
Note: Rio apologized to the stewardess before getting on the team coach and asked for her name and address so he could send her flowers. (Sorry mate, flowers aren’t going to get rid of the hematoma on that poor girl’s shin, ya t**t.)
CASE #2: Manchester United Players Accused of Bullying Fourth Official
Owen Hargreaves is one of eight players to be under FA disciplinary charges after some verbal abuse broke out in the tunnel after the Chelsea game; all of it being directed towards the fourth official, Mike Riley. I think United has been a bad influence on Hargreaves. He’s usually such a quiet fellow. Maybe rather than reaming out the official you should direct your attention towards Michael Carrick who just cost you the game. Um…hello!?
Who picks a fight with groundsmen? I mean, come on now. Evra was on the Stamford Bridge pitch thirty minutes after the final whistle doing a cool down with Paul Scholes, Carlos Tevez, John O'Shea, Gerard Pique, Park Ji-Sung and Gary Neville, when groundsmen asked them to leave so they could do their post-match repairs. When the players refused to leave, the altercation broke out between Evra and Chelsea groundsmen Sam Bethell. Claims have been made by Tevez and Evra that the latter was racially assaulted and that his actions were in reaction to the comments that were made. CCTV footage will be looked at by both clubs and the FA to determine what happened exactly and if there should be a punishment for any players or employees involved.
…as a pundit for BBC Five Live. Graham Taylor, the last England coach before McClaren to not qualify for a major tournament, will also be joining him. What a top-notch team Five Live has put together for our listening enjoyment. Were Statler and Waldorf already booked? Cracking job BBC, cracking job.
And Macca’s first assignment is the Croatia – Austria game. Just pouring more salt in the wound. I wonder what he’ll have to say? … "This one time, Paul Robinson..."
And my lord she’s having a lovely one. She’s spending a week in Miami with five of her closest friends, where they will drink heavily and dress fantabulously (I just made the word up). Note the gold-chained bikini. FEROSH!
But seriously, this girl has more holidays than a bank calendar.
Sarah Harding fronted a promotion for Wii Fit on the South Bank, accompanied by marathon-running mum Nell McAndrew, TV presenter Gabby and rugby husband Kenny Logan and fitness guru Rosemary Conley. Better she sticks to picking up the Wii Remote than a wee bit more to drink.
I may have spoken prematurely when comparing Cristiano Ronaldo’s new fling to that of the more permanent member of WAG society, Elen Rives. And now that nude photos taken on a beach of the Majorcan model-wannabe have been released by The Sun, Miss. Gallardo is looking more like a porn star than a suitable footballer’s arm candy. Well done Cristiano, you've hooked yourself another class-act.
Cheryl Cole has stepped out this weekend without a bra and STILL without her wedding band. Soon to be going solo both socially and in her singing career, Mrs. Cole deemed it unnecessary to wear a bra when heading to the petrol station, forgetting that she’s a WAG and paparazzi magnet. It must have been a chilly day in London, that’s all I’ve got to say.
Soon to be banned by all football clubs and managers, the Wii Fit is designed to exercise the entire body. Touting diverse game play, from things like yoga and weight training to hula-hooping and soccer, the Wii Fit Balancing Board provides individuals with sensors that measure their weight, center of balance, and body mass index. (All things that I would prefer only me to know and not have a computer announce aloud. Spectacular. I’ll just return to my bowl of ice cream now. Thanks.)
