Footballers are Idiots...

…and apparently some of their girlfriends are too. Chanelle was “shocked” to find out that her new love, Seb Hines of Middlesbrough, is living with his currently expecting girlfriend, Katie Abram, and their two-year-old daughter, Tamia. Chanelle claims she was unaware of Hines current marital status, and Hines claimed to Abram that he only took Chanelle to the cinema when they were briefly separated. I’m going to say that all parties here are acting like idiots.
Note: Need to start company for WAG wannabes who wish to know if their newly acquired status is indeed theirs and theirs alone. Shall name my research company/detective agency: I NEED TO KNOW IF THE FOOTBALLER I'M HOOKING UP WITH IS ACTUALLY SINGLE, BUT I CAN'T READ A NEWSPAPER AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE WIKIPEDIA OR GOOGLE. (Think it's too long?)

LINK: Chanelle's WAG hopes shattered as footballer love interest is having a baby with girlfriend


Danny Simpson please stop making out in the street. It’s just bad taste. Whether you’re a multi-million dollar footballer or just some chav on the street excessive PDA is improper behavior. And seeing that it’s with the stereotypical god-awful soap star, I denounce you purely for lack of creativity.

LINK: Roxanne Pallet Gets Her Man U


I don’t understand why Xabi Alonso is getting all this slack for wanting to be there on the birth of his first child. What’s the big deal? I guess this is more like why the media and Rafa is making such a big deal out of what seems like common logic to most human beings. (And let me assure you that I had the same thought before Liverpool beat Inter Milan to join the other three English clubs in the UEFA Champions League quarterfinals.) I mean he’s Spanish, so family probably means a lot to him. I can totally understand why he didn’t want to go to Italy while his wife sat at home suffering through labor pains. Lastly, I doubt it will be affecting his selection for the Liverpool. Rafa would have to be an utter idiot to believe he can leave out a player like Xabi with the current situation he’s in anyway.

LINK: That’s Yer Tot, Alonso


Didier, seriously? I pray to god that you’re buying all these kits to send down to Africa to family and friends or some type of charitable donation. If you are that concerned with your numbers on the list of kit sales, we have an issue, or rather you do. Stop acting like an idiot and taking offense to the taunting of the lads about being #3 in kit sales to Lampsy and JT. They are English lads so it just makes sense. Who gives a flying rats ass about kit sales anyway. Just put some balls in the net and you will be loved by one and all. Including me.

LINK: Drogba Buys Hundreds of His Own Replica Shirts


I saved this for last because I thought the remembrance of Chelsea's sorry performance this weekend may bring me to tears… again. But I will hold myself together just long enough to call Avram Grant a fucking idiot. If you’re two top scorers, who, may I add, have had extensive time off for more serious injures, pick up small, niggling knocks and ask to play, you better fucking play them. Frank Lampard has scored six goals between the cup competitions alone this season and he has also scored in each of the last two games. If he wants to play, you better put him on the pitch. Didier Drogba, although slightly off target recently, has a superb cup competition record and was the only scorer for the Blues in the Carling Cup Final loss to the Spurs. These are two key attacking components to your lineup. And they should have played, straight up. The lineup was good, but it could have been better. Let’s not kid ourselves.

His incompetence becomes more apparent to me everyday.

LINK: Avram Grant Admits Neck is on the Block After FA Cup Humiliation

I feel better now that all of that's off my chest.

Disturbing Discoveries: Crazy Moms Love Purple Satin

The other night Britney Spears (a.k.a. Unfitney according to Perez Hilton) was spotted out to dinner with her dad in a purple satin dress. I remembered seeing a certain WAG in the same dress on a night out with Toni Poole and friends last fall. Miss Rives did a much more fashionable thing, combining the dress with a gorgeous pair of gold sparkling Christian Louboutin peep toes and a simple black clutch. But of course Britney chose to ruin the entire outfit by adding a furry black coat, brown bag, and aviator shades (at night). I find it disturbing beyond belief and can't help but laugh at Miss. Rives who must be devastated with embarrassment, even though she wore it MUCH earlier. (I give her that credit at least.) Seeing that I don't enjoy either one of these crazy characters, all I can do is laugh and pray it happens again.



Could Elen Rives and Britney Spears be the new Mcloughlin-Curran copycat duo? Oh I hope so!

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

P.S. Does Elen Rives ever take a good picture?

What Happens When Manager Look-Alikes Get Back to the Players

Apparently there are some pretty humorous nicknames floating around the Chelsea training ground as of late. According to sources at Cobham, youth players read a manager look-alike comparison in the Holloway Column, a BBC Sport supported editorial for Ian Holloway the Leicester City manager. Someone had wrote in pointing out:

Lut0nt0wn: "You want more manager lookalikes? How about this....Baron Greenback from Dangermouse, and Avram Grant.”

When word got to the senior lads of the physical resemblance between the gaffer and the Danger Mouse character, they couldn’t resist the compulsion to create a catchy moniker. “The Baron,” as the Chelsea lads have now titled Grant has now been leaping around training while carrying around a cane and wearing a yellow suit (Chelsea’s yellow tracksuits, but of course.)

Here is the evidence:



You Decide...

Link: Baron Spell For Chelsea Boss

WAGs on Holiday

While the Three Lions are working hard, a couple of their significant others have decided to take a holiday. Maybe they’re feeling slighted with Fabio’s request of no visitors to the team hotel, or maybe they need some R&R from their busy lives promoting perfumes and splashing cash at the Cricket Boutique. Coleen Mcloughin (Wayne Roooney) has decided to take a girls-only getaway to Barbados and Alex Curran (Steven Gerrard) has been laying about in Dubai with Claire Henry (Thierry Henry’s ex) and Jude Cisse (Djibril Cisse). At least they’re getting a real tan rather than faking it and looking like an oompa loopa.


Wet and Wild WAGS II

Footie Wives Pack their WAGs

Headmaster Capello: No Golf and No Girls

Fabio Capello laid down the law for the England players in the lead up to their friendly match with Switzerland today. Rules and regulations were announced during the first team meeting on Sunday night when the team arrived at the team hotel, The Grove, in Hertfordshire. Some of the gaffers requests include:

1. A ban on visitors, including agents and friends, from the team hotel in Hertfordshire.
2. Players must eat at the same table.
3. They have to be on time for meals.
4. No walking around in shorts and flip-flops. They must wear England track suits instead and suits and ties to games.
5. No mobile phones in public areas.
6. A ban on the 'PlayStation culture'.

And when asked about the usual golf outings on The Grove’s links, Fabio’s resonse was, "On Thursday they can play as much golf as they like.”

Personally I think a little kick in the ass is good for the Three Lions. Keeping egos in check may be more helpful to the team than actual training.



Rules and Respect are the Buzz Words as Capello Seeks Winning Mentality

Capello Looks to Smell Team Spirit

Footballers are Idiots

I want to start a new section of my blog called “Footballers are Idiots.” I figured this would have ample material to produce entries. From just the past week I have accumulated four stories regarding footballers acting without thinking, or in some cases thinking more with one head rather than the other. I hope to continue with more entries regarding this theme, and I’m sure the footballers of the world will have plenty to provide.

CASE #1: Benjani Sleeps Through Departure of 2 Plane Flights Compromising £8m Deal with Man City

I think the headline says enough, but what boggles my mind even more is the fact that his agent, or whoever was in charge of the deal, didn’t somehow make sure he got his flight to Manchester. Was his phone off? Did no one think to call his mobile? Why wasn’t his agent with him on the flight? And in all these cases I would seriously rethink the choice of representation. Sven better have a plan for keeping this Zimbabwe international from sleeping through training and matches. Maybe a YTS boy designated specifically to wake him up everyday with persistent phone calls then visitations if the calls aren’t successful.

CASE #2: Jermain Defoe’s Indecisive Behavior: Bra Hats to Engagement?

Last week is was released that Mr. Defoe had a mistress for over 7 years, expanding from before the times of Charlotte Mears and into his more current relationship with serial-WAG Danielle Lloyd. Although there was great disappointment for the couple, they decided to work through the issue. And less than a week later, Miss. Lloyd is spotted wearing a little extra sparkle on her engagement finger. Whether this is an actual engagement ring or not is unsure. Maybe this is merely a “commitment” ring. Either way I think Jermain has some thinking to do, especially with this supposed gesture. If you’re throwing rings around to just any girl, your definition of “commitment” might become slightly scewed.

CASE #3: Nicolas Anelka’s Cell Phone Pictures to Mistress… on his Wedding Day

What can I say about this seedy behavior, besides the fact that it’s repulsive and downright unacceptable? As if your mistress isn’t going to save all these pictures on her phone to boast to all her friends that she’s a WAG-in-waiting. There are only so many times that I can stand hearing about footballers sending girls naked pictures of themselves on their mobile only to have them show up in the papers the next week. Lets think before using advanced technology boys. Maybe you should all learn a lesson and not leave pictorial evidence to be compensated for monetarily once you leave the girl with a broken heart and a need for revenge. In the words of Shakespeare, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

CASE #4: Ashley Cole cheats of Cheryl: Pukes on Hairdresser Mid-Romp, But Finishes the Job

Nothing a little mouthwash can’t solve, right? WRONG! What a deplorable mess Mr. Cole has gotten himself into. Sordid stories of payoffs and impregnation have found Ash a victim of every woman in the life of Mrs. Cole. And what a powerful list of women that is. Her Girls Aloud posse has expressed their discontent with the reports of Ashley’s behavior and Victoria Beckham’s name has been moved up on Cheryl’s speed dial list with her experience in dealing with dangerous mistresses (a.k.a. Rebecca Loos). Mr. Cole is in a rough situation with so many powerful women so close to his wife’s ear. Karma’s a bitch.
What I take issue with is the fact that the tabloid stories have kept Ashley away from training at Cobham. He’s missed a couple training sessions and 2 games due to “personal issues.” When your playing around affects your game, it’s time to quit playing the field and commit yourself to the one woman who tolerates your inability to cook.

Ronaldo Hides from the Limelight... For Once

Cristiano Ronaldo brings a whole new meaning to the Corey Hart classic “I Wear My Sunglasses at Night.” Back in October when he got a black eye in the Champions League game win over Roma, Captain Vanity wore a cap and sunglasses to hide his Quasimodo-like appearance during a press conference the following day at Old Trafford. But he was quick to relieve the masses that worship his good looks and chiseled features by saying: “It’s OK, in four or five days I will be beautiful again.” (What a t*t!)

But according to some gossip sources he didn’t feel the need to take off his ineffective disguise off for over 48 hours, not even for a good romp with a promotions girl that he spotted at the press conference. I don’t know about the rest of the females out there, but I think that’s bad taste. I mean, who wants to see their o-face reflected in a bad pair of aviators. My advice to Cristiano: go back to having orgies with hookers, because your one-on-one style is less than desirable.

Link: Cristiano Ronaldo Wore Sunglasses During Sex
Link: Kickette

Chelsea and Tottenham: Wembley Bound

Chelsea beat Everton 0-1 (AGG 1-3) in the second leg of the Carling Cup semifinals and earned a trip to Wembley on Sunday, February 24th to play Tottenham in the final. The Londoners went into the game with a 2-1 lead, but Joe Cole scored a beautiful volley on 69 minutes to officially send the Merseyside squad to the showers in dismay. Petr Cech had the performance of the evening with 7 saves, holding Everton at bay throughout the match. He dedicated his amazing performance to his wife, Martina, and his new daughter, Adela, who was born Tuesday shortly after 6:00 AM in Prague, the Czech Republic’s capital, and Cech’s home country.

Nicolas Anelka and Shaun Wright-Phillips also had good performances for the Blues, both frustratingly hitting the woodwork rather than the back of the net. Juliano Belletti and Alex, while performing well on the defensive end, also produced some close shots on goal at the other end. Steve Sidwell and Florent Malouda acted superbly as middlemen, moving the ball well and feeding the forwards with crisp passes, the latter sending the lobbed ball to assist Cole’s goal. Claude Makelele, who was named captain for the evening with the absence of John Terry, Frank Lampard, and Michael Ballack due to injuries, performed well in his defensive midfield position, covering well for the defenders who were pushing the ball forward to the offensive half.

With injury problems coming to a close for many players, Chelsea look like contenders on all fronts and aren’t holding back either.

Nicolas Anelka Signs with Chelsea

Chelsea have finally cashed in on their promise to score Bolton striker Nicolas Anelka in the January transfer window. Not only will he make an amazing cover for Didier Drogba and Salomon Kalou while they are n Ghana for the African Nation's Cup, but what I am more excited for is when he gets to play WITH these players once they return! (I think £15million is a little steep though.)

Anelka is planning to make his debut for the Blues tomorrow against Tottenham at Stamford Bridge.



Link: Anelka Completes £15m Move to Chelsea

Link: New Boy Anelka Poised for Chelsea Debut

Blackwell Thinks Posh Just Isn't So

Mr. Blackwell named Victoria Beckham the worst dressed female of 2007. The more likely scenario is that he’s approaching a state of dementia. While touting Madonna, Barbra Streisand, Elizabeth Taylor, Helen Mirren and the Queen for their fashion forward sense of style, Blackwell states that Posh is “in one skinny-mini monstrosity after another.”

But oxymoronically enough, Blackwell names Katie Homes, the prodigy of Mrs. Beckham herself, one of the ten BEST dressed. I’m sensing come confusion. I don’t trust this Blackwell fella, no matter how many years he’s spent in fashion, to name the Queen as fashionable is just downright preposterous.

Link: Mr. Blackwell's Worst-Dressed Women of 2007

Posh Confused

I'm sure I'm not the only one that picked up on Victoria Beckham's similarity in dress to that of Chelsea's away kits.


(Think she's subconsciously trying to hint to David that she'd rather see him training with the Blues rather than Arsenal?) I think the hypnotic color of the dress must have distracted him from dressing himself properly as well. Did he accidentally put Brooklyn's vest on?

Christmas Came Early

This is making my finals week so much more tolerable. I might possibly have a new desktop photo to push me through the rest of the week. Thank god for Giorgio Armani!

Finals Finale

No I'm not talking about soccer in this case. My last round of finals is next week and then I graduate on the 15th. So excuse my absenteeism please. I shall return and will hopefully be doing more posting than ever (or at least until I get a REAL job).

Double Fashion Offense

Elen Rives can't seem to keep her red carpet fashions straight. Maybe it's having two kids, or the infidelity of Frank, or god knows what. This abhorrent combination of unflattering black blouse with tent-like purple skirt held up with a white belt, has been spotted twice now this fall. As if wearing this attire at London Fashion Week (offending every designer in the room) wasn't enough, Rives felt it necessary to wear the outfit again to a makeup launch at Paper Night Club. Not only did she have the nerve to wear this attrocious outfit, she did it TWICE!

Sept. 15, 2007... AND THEN AGAIN... Nov. 1, 2007

I can't decide which way I prefer? With the hugely fabulous Ralph Lauren sunglasses and oversized clutch OR standing besides Frank Lampard (who looks twice as well put together). Probably the latter.

Disappearing Act

I miss Frank Lampard's thighs. I understand he probably has to wear the spandex because of his recent thigh injury, but when they made their appearences, it could make my day and maybe even my weekend. I don't know how much longer I can go on.

BEFORE: (in all their glory)


AFTER: (hidden from those who seek a peek)


It's a recent trend in football, and I must say one I do not approve of. Without thighs and bulges, what do I have to look farward to on gameday? Bring back the thighs, and lose the spandex, I SAY! I'm making a proclamation to the FA and maybe even FIFA. We'll see how far it goes.

Second Yellow Awarded...

...to this matching offense. Unacceptable ladies. I'm utterly disapponted.

Not Who Wore it Better... But Why in the First Place!

You know it’s a bad week when the two biggest WAGs of the north have been spotted in the same outfit, all be it in different colors, but none the less. Alex and Coleen do enough shopping to have different attire available once one of them beats them to the punch. And this is why all of you have mobiles and extensive social networking… to figure out who has worn what and to not make repeat offenses while looking like total tarts. No more matchy-matchy ladies. You are better than this, and after everyone called you role models. Such an utter disappointment.

Bugger Off Boo Boys

OK, seriously… the booing of our own players needs to stop. I don’t care if they’re complete rubbish or a 2 time consecutive winner of the Fan’s Player of the Year. And the fact that there is no reasonable excuse for such childish and immature behavior only supports the point that it’s a useless gesture. Besides the fact that Frank Lampard is my favorite player, and that I’m a bit too connected to the issue, I can’t see a viable reason for booing a player on OUR side. After all the debate over goalkeepers, I don’t see anyone booing Robinson when he goes between the posts. I know I cringe every time the ball enters the penalty box (whether it’s a shot on goal or just a simple back pass). I shall desist my moaning now, but I think support of the entire team against Russia is important to the players and frankly, my sanity as well.

LAMPS IS BACK!

Frank Lampard has returned to Chelsea for their game against Bolton! I didn't realize how much I missed him till he's back in beautiful thighness. Let's hope he can do well enough to start for England next week as well.

Ronaldo Releases a Picture Book...of Himself

Leave it to a footballer to write a book that contains more pictures of himself, than actual words. And leave it to Cristiano Ronaldo to be that footballer. What self-respecting footballer, or even human being creates a coffee-table autobiography? Seriously? And then he claims that’s its not an autobiography. Well I don’t know how the Portuguese define “autobiography,” but in my opinion this is a sad, sad attempt at one. I can understand maybe having some difficulty with words, seeing that he may struggle with English, but that’s what ghostwriters are for, am I right? I am truly appalled with his lackluster attempt at telling his story. He makes it obvious that there obviously isn’t much story there besides his good looks. Utterly disappointing.

I pray to God that this narcissistic behavior doesn’t catch on at United, because I don’t think I can put myself through 176 pages of staring at Wayne Rooney’s disturbingly freckled mug, or Carlos Tevez’s ghastly uni-brow.

Additional Moment of Narcissism: After getting a nasty gash in his head, which required stitches, during the game against Roma on Tuesday, Ronaldo stated, "It's not a problem," he said. "In four or five days I will be beautiful once again." Need I say more?