Coleen Must Have Been Feeling a Bit Insecure This Morning

Maybe Wayne forgot to say Happy Birthday before he left for training this morning, or perhaps she wanted to let the land know to bring presents, flowers, and sparkly things.



Link: Is Coleen Trying to Tell Wayne Something?

Chelsea Transfer Rumor of the Day

We all know that every other day there’s a new player coming to Stamford Bridge once summer arrives. I really hope this character gets a haircut by then.



(Can you imagine the heyday the boys would have with this do? Apparently they busted on Joe Cole in training the other day just for getting a buzz cut.)

Link: Chelsea Set Their Sights on Boca Hitman Palacio

Hump Day Celebration

Jamie Redknapp and Frank Lampard on Holiday



A little double entendre to get you through the work week.

UEFA Champions League Round Up: Day 1

Roma 0 – Manchester United 2



With goals from Ronaldo (39’) and Rooney (66’) Manchester united come away with a comfortable aggregate lead over Roma.

Schalke 0 – Barcelona 1



Bojan Krkić, at 17 years of age, becomes the second youngest player to score in the Champions League. (The youngest player to score being Peter Ofori-Quaye, of Ghana, who scored for Olympiacos in 1997 at 17 years and 195 days, beating Krkić by just 21 days. Krkić knocks Cesc Fabregas to third by only a single day.) The Barcelona youngster scored from close range when Thierry Henry squared the ball to him after Henry’s first shot was saved by Schalke’s goalkeeper, Manuel Neuer.

With both teams scoring crucial away goals, it's looking likely to be Manchester United against Barcelona in the semi-finals.

Footballers Are Idiots

Southampton Players Resort to Stealing



Bradley Wright-Phillips, half brother of Shaun Wright-Phillips, and Nathan Dyer were arrested for stealing from waitress’ bags in a nightclub staff room. Although released on bail, the two lads have been found guilty of being total and utter idiots. I’m sure BWP has had a pay cut with his move from Manchester City to Southampton, but I don’t think he is so poor that he needs to resort to stealing (not with a dad like Ian Wright and a half brother like SWP). I mean seriously. Money, fags, and mobile phones were the stolen items, and I’m pretty sure footballers, or any human being for that matter, can get a hold of these items without thieving.

Link: Southampton Pair Arrested After Alleged Theft

Ferosh is the New Fierce

I’ve been recently informed that the word “ferosh,” as in the abbreviation of ferocious, is replacing “fierce” as the new hot word. Fierce will now return to its original definition: marked by extreme and violent energy. Let me explain.

David Beckham at LA Lakers Game = Ferosh (hot, attractive, well put together)



Jens Lehmann Attacking the Paps = Fierce (violent behavior)

Footballers Are Idiots

…when it comes to driving their cars.

CASE #1: John Terry Gives Two Fingered Salute to the Disabled



John Terry deemed it unecessary to act like a normal human being by illegally parking his Bentley in a disabled spot outside a Pizza Express in Esher, Surrey for two hours while he enjoyed dinner with his wife, Toni, and their twins, Georgie and Summer. While photo evidence was collected by practically everyone in the metropolitan area, Terry received a mere £60 fine, pocket change for a footballer earning more than £130,000 a week. What makes Terry even more idiotic is that a 50p-an-hour car park was just a few yards away.

So lets run through what went on in the mind of Mr. Terry:

Should I (a) park in a car park with those simpletons, have to walk a few yards to eat, and risk having my overpriced motor vehicle getting scratched by some ordinary citizen or (b) park in a disabled spot feet from the door, so I don’t have to over exert myself, even though I’m a world class footballer who is more physically fit than any disabled person, have my gorgeous car in an area free from harm, but susceptible to the paps, and get a £60 fine while I will earn 2250 times as much by this time next week…hhhhmmmm…

Link: John Terry Gives Middle Finger to the Disabled

Case #2: Matthew Pattison Gets Arrested for Drink-Driving…in Only His Underpants


Matty Pattison, nicknamed Party, by his fellow teammates at Norwich City, was arrested Sunday morning for drink-driving. The story goes that Pattison was out a nightclub late Saturday after the 2-0 defeat of Sheffield United. Upon waking up Sunday morning, he hopped in his car, still drunk, in just a t-shirt and skivvies, believing he as late for training. But there was no training on Sunday for the Canaries at their Colney training grounds, much to Pattison’s efforts. About halfway through his journey, the police spotted him driving erratically, possibly due to his lack of footwear, and followed the 21-year-old South African, eventually pulling him over just outside the training grounds. Reports that he has checked into a rehab facility have yet to be confirmed.

Link: City Star on Drink-Drive Charge

Ashley Apologizes For Horror Tackle

Ashley Cole publicly apologized to Alan Hutton for his high tackle in the Spurs-Chelsea game on Wednesday. Hutton himself admitted that he would have done the same thing in that particular situation, while Arsene Wenger, Cole’s former manager, stated that Cole “is not a dirty player.” Although he escaped with only a yellow card, Cole took the high road and apologized. Avram Grant, Cole’s current manager at Chelsea, spoke today in praise of Cole’s mature actions in apologizing for the incident.

Link: Wenger Defends Cole
Link: Mature Cole Supported by Grant

Oldies, But Goodies, Return for International Duty

David Beckham has earned a recall to the England national team for their international friendly against France on Wednesday. With the Big Four all playing on Sunday, some extra legs may be useful. And he’s always good for morale. I’m interested to hear how he and Capello get on…

Link: Recalled Becks Backed by Capello


Harry Kewell has been given the captains band for the Socceroos prior to their international friendly on Saturday against Singapore. Even while his first team play is in doubt with his club, Liverpool, he decided to head down under to help out his international squad with their preparations for World Cup Qualifiers next week. What a good lad.

Link: Kewell Handed Socceroos Captain’s Armband

Footballers are Idiots...

…and apparently some of their girlfriends are too. Chanelle was “shocked” to find out that her new love, Seb Hines of Middlesbrough, is living with his currently expecting girlfriend, Katie Abram, and their two-year-old daughter, Tamia. Chanelle claims she was unaware of Hines current marital status, and Hines claimed to Abram that he only took Chanelle to the cinema when they were briefly separated. I’m going to say that all parties here are acting like idiots.
Note: Need to start company for WAG wannabes who wish to know if their newly acquired status is indeed theirs and theirs alone. Shall name my research company/detective agency: I NEED TO KNOW IF THE FOOTBALLER I'M HOOKING UP WITH IS ACTUALLY SINGLE, BUT I CAN'T READ A NEWSPAPER AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE WIKIPEDIA OR GOOGLE. (Think it's too long?)

LINK: Chanelle's WAG hopes shattered as footballer love interest is having a baby with girlfriend


Danny Simpson please stop making out in the street. It’s just bad taste. Whether you’re a multi-million dollar footballer or just some chav on the street excessive PDA is improper behavior. And seeing that it’s with the stereotypical god-awful soap star, I denounce you purely for lack of creativity.

LINK: Roxanne Pallet Gets Her Man U


I don’t understand why Xabi Alonso is getting all this slack for wanting to be there on the birth of his first child. What’s the big deal? I guess this is more like why the media and Rafa is making such a big deal out of what seems like common logic to most human beings. (And let me assure you that I had the same thought before Liverpool beat Inter Milan to join the other three English clubs in the UEFA Champions League quarterfinals.) I mean he’s Spanish, so family probably means a lot to him. I can totally understand why he didn’t want to go to Italy while his wife sat at home suffering through labor pains. Lastly, I doubt it will be affecting his selection for the Liverpool. Rafa would have to be an utter idiot to believe he can leave out a player like Xabi with the current situation he’s in anyway.

LINK: That’s Yer Tot, Alonso


Didier, seriously? I pray to god that you’re buying all these kits to send down to Africa to family and friends or some type of charitable donation. If you are that concerned with your numbers on the list of kit sales, we have an issue, or rather you do. Stop acting like an idiot and taking offense to the taunting of the lads about being #3 in kit sales to Lampsy and JT. They are English lads so it just makes sense. Who gives a flying rats ass about kit sales anyway. Just put some balls in the net and you will be loved by one and all. Including me.

LINK: Drogba Buys Hundreds of His Own Replica Shirts


I saved this for last because I thought the remembrance of Chelsea's sorry performance this weekend may bring me to tears… again. But I will hold myself together just long enough to call Avram Grant a fucking idiot. If you’re two top scorers, who, may I add, have had extensive time off for more serious injures, pick up small, niggling knocks and ask to play, you better fucking play them. Frank Lampard has scored six goals between the cup competitions alone this season and he has also scored in each of the last two games. If he wants to play, you better put him on the pitch. Didier Drogba, although slightly off target recently, has a superb cup competition record and was the only scorer for the Blues in the Carling Cup Final loss to the Spurs. These are two key attacking components to your lineup. And they should have played, straight up. The lineup was good, but it could have been better. Let’s not kid ourselves.

His incompetence becomes more apparent to me everyday.

LINK: Avram Grant Admits Neck is on the Block After FA Cup Humiliation

I feel better now that all of that's off my chest.

Disturbing Discoveries: Crazy Moms Love Purple Satin

The other night Britney Spears (a.k.a. Unfitney according to Perez Hilton) was spotted out to dinner with her dad in a purple satin dress. I remembered seeing a certain WAG in the same dress on a night out with Toni Poole and friends last fall. Miss Rives did a much more fashionable thing, combining the dress with a gorgeous pair of gold sparkling Christian Louboutin peep toes and a simple black clutch. But of course Britney chose to ruin the entire outfit by adding a furry black coat, brown bag, and aviator shades (at night). I find it disturbing beyond belief and can't help but laugh at Miss. Rives who must be devastated with embarrassment, even though she wore it MUCH earlier. (I give her that credit at least.) Seeing that I don't enjoy either one of these crazy characters, all I can do is laugh and pray it happens again.



Could Elen Rives and Britney Spears be the new Mcloughlin-Curran copycat duo? Oh I hope so!

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

P.S. Does Elen Rives ever take a good picture?

What Happens When Manager Look-Alikes Get Back to the Players

Apparently there are some pretty humorous nicknames floating around the Chelsea training ground as of late. According to sources at Cobham, youth players read a manager look-alike comparison in the Holloway Column, a BBC Sport supported editorial for Ian Holloway the Leicester City manager. Someone had wrote in pointing out:

Lut0nt0wn: "You want more manager lookalikes? How about this....Baron Greenback from Dangermouse, and Avram Grant.”

When word got to the senior lads of the physical resemblance between the gaffer and the Danger Mouse character, they couldn’t resist the compulsion to create a catchy moniker. “The Baron,” as the Chelsea lads have now titled Grant has now been leaping around training while carrying around a cane and wearing a yellow suit (Chelsea’s yellow tracksuits, but of course.)

Here is the evidence:



You Decide...

Link: Baron Spell For Chelsea Boss

WAGs on Holiday

While the Three Lions are working hard, a couple of their significant others have decided to take a holiday. Maybe they’re feeling slighted with Fabio’s request of no visitors to the team hotel, or maybe they need some R&R from their busy lives promoting perfumes and splashing cash at the Cricket Boutique. Coleen Mcloughin (Wayne Roooney) has decided to take a girls-only getaway to Barbados and Alex Curran (Steven Gerrard) has been laying about in Dubai with Claire Henry (Thierry Henry’s ex) and Jude Cisse (Djibril Cisse). At least they’re getting a real tan rather than faking it and looking like an oompa loopa.


Wet and Wild WAGS II

Footie Wives Pack their WAGs

Headmaster Capello: No Golf and No Girls

Fabio Capello laid down the law for the England players in the lead up to their friendly match with Switzerland today. Rules and regulations were announced during the first team meeting on Sunday night when the team arrived at the team hotel, The Grove, in Hertfordshire. Some of the gaffers requests include:

1. A ban on visitors, including agents and friends, from the team hotel in Hertfordshire.
2. Players must eat at the same table.
3. They have to be on time for meals.
4. No walking around in shorts and flip-flops. They must wear England track suits instead and suits and ties to games.
5. No mobile phones in public areas.
6. A ban on the 'PlayStation culture'.

And when asked about the usual golf outings on The Grove’s links, Fabio’s resonse was, "On Thursday they can play as much golf as they like.”

Personally I think a little kick in the ass is good for the Three Lions. Keeping egos in check may be more helpful to the team than actual training.



Rules and Respect are the Buzz Words as Capello Seeks Winning Mentality

Capello Looks to Smell Team Spirit

Footballers are Idiots

I want to start a new section of my blog called “Footballers are Idiots.” I figured this would have ample material to produce entries. From just the past week I have accumulated four stories regarding footballers acting without thinking, or in some cases thinking more with one head rather than the other. I hope to continue with more entries regarding this theme, and I’m sure the footballers of the world will have plenty to provide.

CASE #1: Benjani Sleeps Through Departure of 2 Plane Flights Compromising £8m Deal with Man City

I think the headline says enough, but what boggles my mind even more is the fact that his agent, or whoever was in charge of the deal, didn’t somehow make sure he got his flight to Manchester. Was his phone off? Did no one think to call his mobile? Why wasn’t his agent with him on the flight? And in all these cases I would seriously rethink the choice of representation. Sven better have a plan for keeping this Zimbabwe international from sleeping through training and matches. Maybe a YTS boy designated specifically to wake him up everyday with persistent phone calls then visitations if the calls aren’t successful.

CASE #2: Jermain Defoe’s Indecisive Behavior: Bra Hats to Engagement?

Last week is was released that Mr. Defoe had a mistress for over 7 years, expanding from before the times of Charlotte Mears and into his more current relationship with serial-WAG Danielle Lloyd. Although there was great disappointment for the couple, they decided to work through the issue. And less than a week later, Miss. Lloyd is spotted wearing a little extra sparkle on her engagement finger. Whether this is an actual engagement ring or not is unsure. Maybe this is merely a “commitment” ring. Either way I think Jermain has some thinking to do, especially with this supposed gesture. If you’re throwing rings around to just any girl, your definition of “commitment” might become slightly scewed.

CASE #3: Nicolas Anelka’s Cell Phone Pictures to Mistress… on his Wedding Day

What can I say about this seedy behavior, besides the fact that it’s repulsive and downright unacceptable? As if your mistress isn’t going to save all these pictures on her phone to boast to all her friends that she’s a WAG-in-waiting. There are only so many times that I can stand hearing about footballers sending girls naked pictures of themselves on their mobile only to have them show up in the papers the next week. Lets think before using advanced technology boys. Maybe you should all learn a lesson and not leave pictorial evidence to be compensated for monetarily once you leave the girl with a broken heart and a need for revenge. In the words of Shakespeare, “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

CASE #4: Ashley Cole cheats of Cheryl: Pukes on Hairdresser Mid-Romp, But Finishes the Job

Nothing a little mouthwash can’t solve, right? WRONG! What a deplorable mess Mr. Cole has gotten himself into. Sordid stories of payoffs and impregnation have found Ash a victim of every woman in the life of Mrs. Cole. And what a powerful list of women that is. Her Girls Aloud posse has expressed their discontent with the reports of Ashley’s behavior and Victoria Beckham’s name has been moved up on Cheryl’s speed dial list with her experience in dealing with dangerous mistresses (a.k.a. Rebecca Loos). Mr. Cole is in a rough situation with so many powerful women so close to his wife’s ear. Karma’s a bitch.
What I take issue with is the fact that the tabloid stories have kept Ashley away from training at Cobham. He’s missed a couple training sessions and 2 games due to “personal issues.” When your playing around affects your game, it’s time to quit playing the field and commit yourself to the one woman who tolerates your inability to cook.

Ronaldo Hides from the Limelight... For Once

Cristiano Ronaldo brings a whole new meaning to the Corey Hart classic “I Wear My Sunglasses at Night.” Back in October when he got a black eye in the Champions League game win over Roma, Captain Vanity wore a cap and sunglasses to hide his Quasimodo-like appearance during a press conference the following day at Old Trafford. But he was quick to relieve the masses that worship his good looks and chiseled features by saying: “It’s OK, in four or five days I will be beautiful again.” (What a t*t!)

But according to some gossip sources he didn’t feel the need to take off his ineffective disguise off for over 48 hours, not even for a good romp with a promotions girl that he spotted at the press conference. I don’t know about the rest of the females out there, but I think that’s bad taste. I mean, who wants to see their o-face reflected in a bad pair of aviators. My advice to Cristiano: go back to having orgies with hookers, because your one-on-one style is less than desirable.

Link: Cristiano Ronaldo Wore Sunglasses During Sex
Link: Kickette

Chelsea and Tottenham: Wembley Bound

Chelsea beat Everton 0-1 (AGG 1-3) in the second leg of the Carling Cup semifinals and earned a trip to Wembley on Sunday, February 24th to play Tottenham in the final. The Londoners went into the game with a 2-1 lead, but Joe Cole scored a beautiful volley on 69 minutes to officially send the Merseyside squad to the showers in dismay. Petr Cech had the performance of the evening with 7 saves, holding Everton at bay throughout the match. He dedicated his amazing performance to his wife, Martina, and his new daughter, Adela, who was born Tuesday shortly after 6:00 AM in Prague, the Czech Republic’s capital, and Cech’s home country.

Nicolas Anelka and Shaun Wright-Phillips also had good performances for the Blues, both frustratingly hitting the woodwork rather than the back of the net. Juliano Belletti and Alex, while performing well on the defensive end, also produced some close shots on goal at the other end. Steve Sidwell and Florent Malouda acted superbly as middlemen, moving the ball well and feeding the forwards with crisp passes, the latter sending the lobbed ball to assist Cole’s goal. Claude Makelele, who was named captain for the evening with the absence of John Terry, Frank Lampard, and Michael Ballack due to injuries, performed well in his defensive midfield position, covering well for the defenders who were pushing the ball forward to the offensive half.

With injury problems coming to a close for many players, Chelsea look like contenders on all fronts and aren’t holding back either.

Nicolas Anelka Signs with Chelsea

Chelsea have finally cashed in on their promise to score Bolton striker Nicolas Anelka in the January transfer window. Not only will he make an amazing cover for Didier Drogba and Salomon Kalou while they are n Ghana for the African Nation's Cup, but what I am more excited for is when he gets to play WITH these players once they return! (I think £15million is a little steep though.)

Anelka is planning to make his debut for the Blues tomorrow against Tottenham at Stamford Bridge.



Link: Anelka Completes £15m Move to Chelsea

Link: New Boy Anelka Poised for Chelsea Debut

Blackwell Thinks Posh Just Isn't So

Mr. Blackwell named Victoria Beckham the worst dressed female of 2007. The more likely scenario is that he’s approaching a state of dementia. While touting Madonna, Barbra Streisand, Elizabeth Taylor, Helen Mirren and the Queen for their fashion forward sense of style, Blackwell states that Posh is “in one skinny-mini monstrosity after another.”

But oxymoronically enough, Blackwell names Katie Homes, the prodigy of Mrs. Beckham herself, one of the ten BEST dressed. I’m sensing come confusion. I don’t trust this Blackwell fella, no matter how many years he’s spent in fashion, to name the Queen as fashionable is just downright preposterous.

Link: Mr. Blackwell's Worst-Dressed Women of 2007

Posh Confused

I'm sure I'm not the only one that picked up on Victoria Beckham's similarity in dress to that of Chelsea's away kits.


(Think she's subconsciously trying to hint to David that she'd rather see him training with the Blues rather than Arsenal?) I think the hypnotic color of the dress must have distracted him from dressing himself properly as well. Did he accidentally put Brooklyn's vest on?